Thick as Thieves
by DiscordianSamba
Summary: The last thing that Kuroba Kaito expected from a detective was that he would ever possibly like one- and yet, here he was, exchanging phone numbers with one.


**AN** : A response to a prompt that I got on tumblr, which was literally just that they wanted Kaito and Heiji to meet. And who am I, to stand in the way of these two human disaster zones from crossing paths, like they obviously are apparently not destined to do at all in canon. Anyways, enjoy this oneshot!

* * *

 **Thick as Thieves**

* * *

The first time he met Hattori Heiji, he'd just sent a man twice his age doubling over in pain. To be fair, the man in question was a common pickpocket, and had the audacity to prey on a little old lady on top of that, but still, it was _quite_ the first impression. With what could be best described as a battle grin on his face, he hadn't even hesitated for a moment to use his vinyl umbrella as a makeshift weapon.

As a result, it was now unusable. It was an end that was quite predictable- to everyone aside from Hattori Heiji, that was, who merely grumbled to himself and complained about how something like this had managed to happen _again_.

"You can borrow mine, if you want." He wasn't quite sure what prompted him to call out to the guy, but here he was, offering him an umbrella. "I forgot that I'd already put one in my bag last night, so I've got two now."

For a moment, there was nothing but silence as their eyes met, as if he were trying to process something. It was enough to cause the hairs on the back of his neck to raise- at least until a grin split his face, quite different from the fierce one that he had sported mere seconds ago. Whatever he had been thinking about, it had clearly been quickly resolved, so it probably wasn't anything _that_ important.

"Oh, thanks a bunch!" Taking the umbrella out of his hands, he opened it right up- not that it did much good, now that he was already half-soaked from the rain. If he was bothered by it any, he didn't let it show. "That's mighty generous of ya, even if it's a spare!"

Kansai dialect. A strong one at that, Kaito couldn't help but think. Vaguely, he felt as if he had heard something about a dark skinned young man speaking a strong Kansai-ben from somewhere before, but for the moment, he couldn't quite place it.

"No, no, it's the least I can do after you let me see something like that." Kaito told him, motioning in the direction where what best could be described as carnage had unfolded. He was amazed the guy was even able to get up and run away after that blow, though it looked as if it had taken considerable effort on his part. "But are you sure it's fine? He got away after that."

"It's fine, it's fine." Waving a hand, Heiji turned back to look in that direction. "I got the purse back, after all. That was probably a crime of opportunity, if anythin'. Probably'll think twice about doin' that sort of thing from now on. More importantly, I didn't get yer name."

"My name?" Kaito asked, blinking quickly. He hadn't expected that- he'd literally only just given him an umbrella, and in his book, that wasn't exactly ground for more than a quick conversation. Still, he couldn't say that he disliked it- there was something almost infectious about the guy's grin. "I'm Kaito. Kuroba Kaito."

"Kuroba-han, huh?" Switching the hand he was using to hold his umbrella, Heiji stuck out a hand. "I'm Hattori Heiji."

It was halfway through taking his hand that it finally clicked into place why something about the young man's description had sounded so familiar to him. By the time Heiji had gripped his hand in a rather firm handshake, everything had fallen into place. It was the name that did it, really. While he didn't pay much attention to the news, outside of the news surrounding his own heists, of course, but the other person he knew bearing that last name was kind of hard to miss regardless.

It wasn't the father that he knew anything about though- rather, it was the son. Hakuba had mentioned him before- not to _him_ of course, but rather, to Aoko, who had passed it on in turn to him. He'd left quite the impression on him, after all- enough so that he was still complaining about it when he turned back up at their school around a week later. Kaito hadn't been paying much attention at the time, even when Aoko had spoken to him about it, since he had no reason to suspect that he'd ever run into someone who usually called Osaka his stomping grounds.

Apparently? He was wrong.

Still, as to what could have brought the high school detective of the west out to Ekoda, he couldn't say- and was admittedly, a bit curious, even. Normally, his main reaction to meeting a detective would be to run away as fast as possible, but considering what he'd heard from Hakuba, he couldn't help but be at least a little bit intrigued. Besides, if there was a chance that he'd been summoned here because of a case, then that meant that someone had passed Hakuba up for him. And that, Kaito thought, was _immensely_ satisfying to think about.

"It's nice to meet you, Hattori-kun." Kaito told him with a smile, swallowing back all of his thoughts, not letting them show on his face. "Do you do some kind of martial art or something? Judging from the way you swung that umbrella, maybe kendo?"

"That's right!" At the very mention of it, Heiji's smile only brightened- until just a second later, when a faint glower replaced it. Sensing it wasn't directed at him, Kaito breathed easy. "Were it not fer some _bothersome interferences_ , I might be a national champ by now, ya know."

"Ah, more importantly, are ya familiar with this area, by any chance?" Changing the topic at such a quick pace that Kaito barely had the time to catch up, Heiji dug out his phone, flipping through it to dig something up. "I'm tryin' ta find this address, but the directions I have keep runnin' me in dang circles."

"I grew up here for the most part, actually." Kaito told him. This guy sure went at his own pace, didn't he? He kind of understood the reason why Hakuba didn't like him very much- though this was an assessment that he got the feeling he didn't quite agree with. "So I'm pretty familiar with the area. What do you need help finding?"

"Oh, that's great!" All but shoving his phone into Kaito's face, Heiji seemed to realize a moment later that he might need some actual space to read the message, and reeled it back. "I'm tryin' ta find the house of a client who asked me ta come poke my nose into weird stuff goin' on around there."

"Weird stuff? Are you a detective or an _exorcist_?" The quip slipped out before he could stop it- but thankfully, the reaction that ensued wasn't nearly so catastrophic that he need dread it.

"What, ya've heard about me?" Heiji asked, for a moment, almost blinking in surprise, before his grin just as quickly returned. Apparently, it was a notion that pleased him, and not one that he felt the need to ask too many questions about. "But well, ya'd be surprised at how often those two things interlope. At least, they sure as heck do fer _me_."

"That sounds kind of like a pain." Kaito couldn't help but note. "But I do know where it is. You're on the right path, at the very least. It's easy to get turned around in this area though- I think that just adds to the rumors about the place you're going to, actually."

"Rumors?" Heiji asked, arching his brows, tucking his phone back into his pocket. "Lemme guess. It's either a haunted house or a cursed manor."

"A bit of both, really." Kaito told him, a hint of an almost genuine smile on his face. Hakuba, he thought, could serve to learn some lessons about _personality_ from this guy. Namely, actually _having_ one. "I'll lead you there, if you want."

"Yer a real nice guy, Kuroba-han!" Heiji said, perking up at the offer right away. If the guy's smile got any brighter, it might actually be blinding. "But that'd be a great help, thanks! I'm usually not this bad with directions, but I've never been in this part of Tokyo before."

"Well, we all have our faults." Kaito noted- shortly before curiosity finally got the better of him. "By the way, this might sound like a bit of a weird question, but is there a chance you know a guy named Hakuba Saguru?"

Judging from the expression on his face, Kaito could only be glad that he probably had just as much distaste for the half-British detective as Heiji did. That was one _hell_ of a glower- apparently the quick-tempered part, at the very least, had been correct. "I do, but why are ya bringin' that jerk up so suddenly? Yer not a friend of his, are ya?"

" _Hell no_." Kaito said quickly, shaking his head, watching as the flame of anger that had lit in Heiji was all but doused with his quick reply. "We're just classmates, to my great regret. From what I heard from a mutual friend of his and mine though, it sounds like the two of you met in the past and well... didn't get along too great, from the sound of it."

"Yeah, ya got that part right. Bastard doesn't know when ta shut his damn mouth." Heiji grumbled. "Ya got my sympathy then, Kuroba-han, bein' classmates with a jerk like that. At least I only had ta deal with him once. Hopin' it _stays_ that way, too."

Deciding not to give voice to the fact that there was a very good chance that he had just jinxed himself, Kaito instead let out a long sigh. "You've got that right."

"Man, sounds like ya've got it worse than I thought." Heiji noted, quirking a brow. "What, he decide that he doesn't like ya either?"

"Well... that's _one_ way of putting it." Kaito told him. How _could_ he like someone who regularly hounded him about his secret identity? Even if he _weren't_ actually Kaitou Kid, the guy had made a pretty lousy first impression to Kuroba Kaito- to be honest, he kind of regretted allowing himself to get swept up in the moment, turning Aoko into some sort of prize, but there was no way he'd let her go on a date with a creep like that.

Anyone who kissed a girl's hand in this day and age was no good.

"So? I'm guessin' the way ya heard about me was straight from the horse's mouth, so ta speak." Heiji noted, a rather sour expression setting itself on his face. "What'd that jerk have ta say about me anyways?"

Unable to help himself, Kaito snorted. "Well, it's more like I heard about what he said through a mutual friend of ours." He told him. "As for what he's saying about you... well, I wouldn't say he's insulting you outright, but he certainly had a fair bit of, well... _distaste_ for you, at the very least."

"Feeling's mutual. That guy sure has a lot of nerve, though, complainin' about me still even after he was _wrong_." Heiji noted, a hand straying up to the back of his neck. "Not ta mention we might not have even gotten off that island so soon if it weren't fer me. I swear I liked the dang _culprit_ of that case better than that dude."

"Eh? He was wrong?" Kaito blinked, looking more than a little surprised at this. "He didn't say anything about _that_."

If that really was the case... there was no way in hell he was ever going to let that go. Maybe it would be ammo enough to even get the guy to back off, for once.

"Doesn't surprise me." Letting out a faint snort, Heiji didn't look surprised at all to hear this. "Just cause that fake director picked a lock, he thought fer sure he was the culprit. It's a pretty big leap from stealin' stuff ta murderin' someone, an' yet he jumped on it right away. Guy's a hack, s' far as I see it."

"Well, not as much of a hack as the victim of that case though. Ya'd think he'd learn a thing or two, seein' as he was parrotin' off the same crap as that jerk." His thoughts obviously drifting anew to the things that had been said back there. "If there's anyone leechin' off his old man's reputation, it's _him_."

"Sounds like gave you even more grief than I thought." Kaito blinked. "Sorry, I guess."

"Ya've got nothin' ta apologize fer." Heiji told him, flashing another grin. "I should be the one who's sorry! Ya gotta deal with the guy like, every day, right? I think I would have punched the dude by now."

"Oh trust me, it's tempting." Kaito observed- sometimes the only thing that stopped him was the fact that he wasn't very good at throwing punches. Couldn't risk damaging his important fingers on top of that. "But thankfully he spends about half of his time back in England, so I don't have to put up with him nearly every day."

"But I never thought I would ever hear a high school detective endorsing physical violence." Kaito couldn't help but note.

"Yeah well, sometimes there are people who _need_ a good punch ta the face." Heiji muttered. "Like fuckin' _Hakuba_."

"Now _that_ , I can agree with." Kaito noted, a grin of his own working it's way onto his face. "Not to mention that I'd like to _see_ it."

Letting out a laugh, Heiji tilted his head. He'd been half dreading coming to Ekoda, really, since he had heard that Hakuba lived somewhere in the area, but it would seem that his worries were for naught. He'd missed Hakuba, and had instead run into someone that he got the feeling he could probably very much get along with instead. "Sounds like we have plenty in common then, Kuroba-han."

"I guess you're right about that." Kaito noted, before coming to a halt. Before he knew it, they already arrived at the manor that Heiji had been summoned to- and strangely, he was almost sad to see it. He never would have thought that he would actually enjoy talking to a detective, especially not one of the _high school_ variety, but well...

Hattori Heiji was very much a different breed of detective entirely from the likes of Hakuba Saguru. And to be honest? He actually kind of _liked_ the guy.

Huh. Never thought _that'd_ happen.

"Why'd ya stop?" Heiji asked, coming to a halt himself. Making a slight face as he followed Kaito's gaze, a look of understanding settled on it, as a low whistle escaped his lips. "Yeah, that definitely _looks_ like a haunted manor alright. This case is either gonna be real fun, or a serious pain in the ass."

"Thanks fer showin' me the way though, Kuroba-han. Ah, an' fer the umbrella too."

"Anything for a fellow Hakuba hater." Kaito quipped. "Don't get lost on the way back, now. Or cursed. Either or, really."

"Well, if ya ask Kazuha, I'm already pretty cursed, so I don't know how much worse it can get." Heiji joked, white teeth flashing bright in a broad smile. "Hey, before ya go, any chance ya wanna exchange phone numbers? Sounds like ya need someone ta vent about horse boy to."

For a moment, having not expected such an offer, Kaito could only blink. Even if they had hit it off rather well, and did share a mutual dislike of Hakuba, to offer his phone number to someone he had literally just met... how friendly was this guy?

Still...

On one hand, _detective_.

On the other hand... well, what were the odds that Kaitou Kid was ever going to wind up crossing paths with someone who only seemed to leave Osaka for either murder cases, or, from the sound of it, vaguely occult-like requests.

"Sure." Kaito said, reaching into his bag, pulling out his own cellphone. "Sounds great, Hattori-kun!"

As long as he kept him at a distance from all the Kaitou Kid stuff, having Hattori Heiji as a friend, quite honestly, didn't sound all that bad. For all he knew, it might actually be _fun_.

* * *

Later on, Kaito would come to understand exactly three things about Hattori Heiji.

One- that he had a rather unique definition of the word _fun_.

Two- that apparently, the whole Kaitou Kid thing was _not_ a deal breaker for him.

And three- he had a very, _very_ hard head.

"What, ya should have told me it was you earlier, Kuroba!" With a bright smile on his face, that was very much not the expression he ever expected exposure to be met with, Heiji merely let out a loud laugh. "I wouldn't have given ya that headbutt earlier if I'd known!"

"So you're... not going to try and arrest me?"

"Nah."


End file.
